Let’s Fall out of Love: Renata Tadashi

Renata Przemyk:

“Tak przykro o tym mówić gdy

Ty w plecy miłość wbijasz mi

Jak kruk przez dziurę gapisz się

Wciąż za daleko do mnie jest

Mówisz że wszystko trwa

Nie mów mi że nie ja

Odkochaj nas i chodźmy stąd

Tobie dam na imię strach

Sobie wezmę jeszcze mniej

To więcej niż byś mógł mi dać

Tak przykro dzielić jeden sen

Materac przeciąć pół na pół

Podzielić kredą ciało i

Położyć serca dwa na stół

Art by:

Doctor Justyna Agnieszka Chevallier, Medica Cirujana y Partera

Born in Torun, kujawsko-pomorskie, Poland

With dedication to Mr. president Donald Trump, for disowning CIA, and ambiguous ‘maybe’ to accusations of Russia. It is has been a sign of good judgement, though one grew up liberal. Impressive is impressive, when it comes to objectivism and diplomacy. How else should one win treachery, if not with treason? Honesty for a layer, trained to lie, makes one a laugh stock. Try my mother. She would not respect me otherwise. Displays of power are reserved for males, you see.

What Happened with Shifu Jian Yan?

It started in Acoma City, the torture that made me realize that someone didn’t like “Look what you made me do?” That I do, and I sang on my way there.

As a male ‘person in charge’ who conducts the torture switched on the devices (mainly sonic, some microwave) it was the first time I truly believed, that there is absolutely no ‘paranoia’ or schizophrenia. The voice was clear, as if spoken through a loudspeaker, and there was a distinctive ‘click’ when that voice was audible, and when it was switched off. It sounded like a simple walkie-talkie, except I didn’t have one, only the radio, car radio, a small loudspeaker (it ‘disappeared’ the same as my Tesla necklace. A man who uses all these devices himself, on a motorcycle, he said that they were supposed to get lost, those pendants) a computer, a cellphone and an iPad (switched off).

Before, I didn’t find that it was possible to have so little privacy with a stranger, that is on some sort of a phone, and seems to know everything about you. It sounded like a male in his early 50-ties, with an American accent, I didn’t identify which state, as it wasn’t very characteristic. It seemed like an accent of someone Caucasian, white.

It felt like my ears, mouth, eyes, throat were burned with something that looked like a glow around a microwaved chicken on a dish. I could hear audible shots, as if water stream, directed at my body.

Envisioning that is is an internal problem, is gives a person sense of control, a sense that one is able to change something, take a medication or call a police and it will stop. This is something that is not recognized enough. It is recognized if you prove some sort of physical assault, tangible evidence. Even if I reported it, it would have been dismissed. I remember a post from a friend of mine now, and he described in detail the use of these long range electrical teasers. This is how it sounded, at least it was a part of it. My engine needed service then. I was waiting for the shop to open, and there was nowhere to run away. It was like being stuck in a microwave, at night, and despite low temperature, being burned alive. It was personal and demeaning and it was because the place worshipped a God of Sun: the only place in USA, that still has no electricity, and gruesome stories to tell about Spanish asking for corn and having the locals, who refused enslaved, chanting their pagan religion to Catholic religion, and forbidding to worship the sun.

When a former Chan disciple, Sky, left the temple to become a monk, he had this book, an atlas of Houston, with photos, where people could leave wishes and signatures as a souvenir. I didn’t feel like talking and it was a different life style, that I was submerged in, and I loved. I didn’t find that words were appropriate, we were encouraged to mindfulness and silence. I rang a Chan bell and left a modified quote, a paraphrase of a song by Noah and the Whale: “If you are, what you love, and you do what you love, One will always be Sun and Moon to you”

His nickname was Sky. He left.

It seemed that someone was bothered by me going to this pagan place of sun worship. The male torturer said: “all of your special powers will be gone. You are not supposed to be here, and Jian Tan is not The God of Sun!!” It was as if an invisible force was throwing my car sideways. It looked as if it was a hurricane, and I lost the ability to keep that car on the road. I was in an excruciating pain from electrical lasers (possibly, as I didn’t find the weapons, or the man, and they are claimed to have a range of approx. 30 meters). The torturer then said: “you will be sent to Jian Tan on a mosquito net, as a gift”

Envious ‘God of Sun’? Perhaps. There are many suspects. The torturer took emails, correspondence between me and Master Jian Yan. I asked for help, and Jian Yan responded: “I will pray for your perpetrator, may God help you”. That was his ‘help’. I was disappointed but as I do have a certainty of God’s existence, I mainly got upset. I was supposed to figure the way out, I was supposed to do it, and stop asking for help. I felt trapped. The song: “there is nowhere to hide” as your own body seems to be owned, without a consent, by an unknown person. It can push you off a bridge, like a bag of potatoes, and it will look like an accident, or someone else can be easily ‘framed’.

I hated Jian Yan, even though he is one of the most enlighten, wise and good people I have ever met. Perhaps the only Buddhist monk, that seems a saint. The states that he is capable of, they are unachievable to most. You see, you can’t perceive God, or enter His light by force or treachery. It becomes a never ending game, and nobody ‘wins’ a research that is ‘close’ but not quite, and it enrages everybody! Envy is such, that whatever state a person that walk ‘in God’ achieved, it becomes destroyed by those who cannot get there, as they think that ‘I am nothing’ to me or to Jian Yan, it means anything else, than some achievements gained by hard word with a clear goal, like ‘collecting merits’ or humiliating oneself purposefully, spending all money and giving away all belonging, all that as a competition, to ‘keep up with the Johnson’s’ like someone said, referring to trying to have as much as one’s neighbors. ‘I am nothing, it means: you have not achieved anything, I did! And I will take lasers and I will ‘take it away from you’! I am the God!

Except, it was a human, with a country of origin, and with audible to me, recordable devices and guns.

If one gets to become what Jian Yan Shifu became, one is ready and asked to visit hells. I asked him to. He didn’t listen, unless it was the two of us being tortured at the same time. It seemed like a plausible explanation, as he assisted greatly every time I was in trouble, with chants and prayers, that were charged with appropriate frequency. He called them: “Jinns”.

This time, we didn’t assist. Hell, that causes pain and suffering is a result of confusion, and it’s always an unintentional damage, even if it is intentional on the outside.

Devil is like a smog, when you are outside and it seems like it is danger, but it is not, it turns out to be good. If you get scared and you run away, or come with an assumption that you will get hurt, you will lose. It is like a boogie man that is looking into a mirror. It can’t hurt you, unless you try to hurt yourself. And it is about warmth and sensuality, just like that poster by Taylor Swift, ‘Slender…’ but take it and place it in wrong hands, and you may destroy lives, allow torture based on lies: truths that are put together but with a dispersion, and so there is a ‘gray of truth’, like D. Burns wrote, in every opposite to yours statement, and it is good to realize it and find it, and know how to conduct and win a debate or a fight, and what it is, that the opponent is really saying, as they may even not know what we are supposed to be receiving as a message. As Jian Tan Master said once, in between Dharma Talks: “one word I say, it means to you something different. It means something different to another person, and if intentions are pure, everybody always gets what they need” it is even if they don’t understand the logical meaning, as intended, or someone’s statement or a scripture. It is the zen way. One can become enlighten by one word. One can realize what medication needs to be added, or discontinued, or that someone needs to remove a tampon, as they were meditating all day and forgot, by a monk saying, and touching his nose: “I like this consistency”.

It brings to mind a consistency of a normal cervical surface, on examination, as I was taught by Dr. Meneses, and then it may occur to one: “ok! Someone has abdominal pain as they forgot to take out the tampon!”

It actually happened, and it is difficult to explain to those, who try to dismiss Three Refugees as a life changing experience and compare that ‘In God’ state to romantic love, or worse: sexual desire, and try to alter that memory or that state claiming: “you are not better than me! I worked hard. I have experienced it all! There is nothing that you have experienced that o have not experienced. Nothing!”

It is not a conscious starving for achievement to enter that Light of God, it is like ‘figuring out’ the origins of abdominal pain, that otherwise would continue til the night, and acetaminophen would be taken to reduce is, if not for the Master, not ‘knowing’ or ‘suggesting’ anything, but saying something completely different, that makes one remove the need for that acetaminophen, as the pain subsided with the tampon being out, and changed to a pad.

This is why, it is impossible to reproduce it, or take a credit for it. I cannot say: “I was the one who saved that female from abdominal pain and unnecessary medication” I cannot say: “it was Jian Yan, who knew and passed a massage, as he is a genius of logic and has x-rays in his eyes, or uses remote devices to know that the tampon was too low and to large”. It is a manifestation of God, or a small enlightenment, that is why Jian Yan didn’t do anything. He can safely say, if thanked: “no need” and if asked if he saved that female, the same I: none of us did”

It is not that the effort to achieve enlightenment of nirvana, or become a saint, that it is wasted. It is not wasted. It is not that Master Jian Yan is incapable of being mean, and cruel. Master Jian Tan said once: “we can recognize an enlightened master as they are incapable of doing evil”

It is true. It is because we understood a value of moral code first. Moral code that is universal, and that everybody knows and understands, instinctively, and therefore, knows how to apply rules.

It is not based on judging behavior. If you claim that you are superior, as you want an achievement of someone else, you may have to understand that it won’t be possible to get by stealing it, denying its existence, reproducing it in some lab and hurting others, thinking that ‘means justify the end’

Jian Yan left me, in excruciating pain, and I have never felt this trapped. I was angry at him, and angry at God.

Each time I remember that pain and his comment, I want nothing but keep on offending him and ignoring his emails. Imagine that I am a policeman, in civilian clothes, and as I drive, I see someone having their hand chopped of and they yell: “help!”

Since I wear civilian clothes, and because I am ‘out of practice’ and some nun calls me ‘Sugar’ (I took up meditation), I don’t stop, but I say: “may Buddha help you, as I will pray for your perpetrator” and I leave.

Would you like to be friends with me after that, if you are the man who had his arm chopped, and then, spent all his money to have it reattached as I decided to humiliate another, not the one who ‘lowers my ego’ or questions my professional skills, and so I finally hate everybody, if you suffered a pain I could have stopped and chase away that man of an ax with my gun, instead of praying for him or being sarcastic as I feel that resentful: ‘if you don’t feel that I am important, guess what: I will act like I am not! May God help you now”

It is important to be respectful, but it is also important to demand respect and be honest about one’s own past hurt.

I have had a hard time going back to treating Jian Yan Master as a ‘Master’ and not as this police, who was hurt and humiliated and decided to hurt and humiliate and ‘demand respect’ and display of my skills.

This is a lesson from me: if you treat life like a game, and my suffering, it means nothing to you, it means that you were not ready to have the spiritual achievements, that you had, as you became selfish, insensitive and condescending, when you are not in a position to be condescending. God had faith that YOU would save me, and stop that bastard. Instead, you became one of them, as your emails were used.

Do I have faith in God? No. Faith wouldn’t do it. I have certainty of God. Did I lose faith in you? No.

But eventually, you will learn more respect, tolerance and fairness.

Is Xiang Ling still a disciple? If she is, and a board member, you should report Jian Tan for sexual abuse and coercion to obtain love, money and work, preventing people from leaving that place, having a husband, or becoming a respected nun/Shifu, as I fell for the same, arrogant, cruel, stupid trick of thinking that YOU will wake you and understand that we are not punching bags. That vulnerability thing that you picked up from that YouTube video I sent you, tears in your eyes… wow… “imagine if Shifu had a girlfriend…” yes…

I don’t have to anymore.

Is she good at the ‘sex meditation’?

Did you explain to her how I meant nothing and I was ill and stalker, as you have never done anything to make me feel that you were even interested to keep her assured that Xiang, you are the number one Brothel Mom now, and it is ok to step on Dr. Chevallier and dance, shaking you booty as you got a support of the VIP, monks can deprive now kids from University of Houston.

Report Jian Tan as I promise you, I will come back with a team of layers and border security patrol.

Then, he can use that ring I sent him to propose to me, and I can use these shoes so that he can finally be

A happy Buddha, who was ‘happy as he had a son”

My heart is bleeding a bit.. so many ‘targeted’ females that when one is shot at, one is dismissed as poor Xiang, she has her ass moved by a Human Puppet Program and she is a perfect candidate for a nun, right?

I loathe you: Jian Tan, Jian Yan and Arnaud, as well as Sanders who may also go for an Asian.

It is an illusion, as what you teach it useful and valid, and people tolerate you like pest.. I do hope you do pay to the last millisecond, for what you have done to me, and my family.

I loathe you, and I will continue using what o learned. It is ok, right?

No problem.

Nothing was lost.

One can steal a state of nirvana, and achieve emptiness, and then,

Come up with a holy grail content and a divine molecule, by stealing it from competition, telling Mary Magdalene that she is, after all, a filthy whore. We are above words, right? In zen. Above truth, too.

Watch these ‘gifts’ and see them gone. I have achieved it all. You have nothing to take away from me.

So that Jian Yan Master, and Jian Tan. What to do now? You are both fully enlightened, there is no doubt about it:

“God sent a female, once he was able to come up with such a miracle.

God sent you I. You will pray to me in vain now”

Chuan Zhong: Mara

This is my choice for a Dharma Master online Dharma talks .

It is in Mandarin and no charge. I watched it all, whatever I could put my hands on, as it changed my life for he better.

The master in in Taiwan.

If I join a monastery, and I get to enjoy that for the rest of my life, I will surely consider that one. It is more socially oriented, and it makes me happy to listen to these talks.

I do have a problem with Jian Tan going for a different female in that brown robe. Games or pretending in front of me, or real feelings between Jian Tan and my ‘substitute’ that he chose after bullshitting me about someone to become one from the West to be in charge, to meet me after class, fondle me (he suggested it) and then invite me at the pilgrimage, pretending that ‘I may get sick’ and so will you have to screw me at some motel in that robe to ‘assist’? I didn’t get his game, triple one, and I don’t want to hear about him braking his precepts as I waited for him in my apartment – as he ignored me, and all that after there ‘subtle’ displays of emotion of horny, humiliating asking to give him ‘some’ , or he can’t take my father’s rosary in a robe and with a witness. I got hurt and suffered so much that if he even so much as comes close to another skunk, after I left, I will make sure that the aliens from an outer space make him disk fall off, if he wears a robe. If he resigns, he can go, like a confused deer, after whichever female or male his genitals chose, or hurt, or a combination.

This one seems civilized, but I always say so, and they it will turn out that will have to ‘love him if he doesn’t’ or the other way around, as soon as my money is gone, and I am closed up alone, bold is some remote monastery.

These are my concerns. If you want to free the monks and nuns, do it without bamboo sticks, unless it is to make food, or chase off mosquitos.

Going for a date, in a robe, should be called going on a date for a robe. Pictures on Facebook deeply offend my religious feelings, those on Chung Tai’s website.

Walk in the park is fine. Chaperone is a must for someone wearing a robe, as a date. If someone wants to match the formality, one can wear one’s uniform, and also use a chaperone as YOUR reputation and that of your ready to be redeemed, whores, it is crucial. Mine, ehh, whatever, right? I can even give s blow job to VIP in my white coat, as it is ok and the monk will be ok with it, it may bring donation, and a hardo, and also get me married so that I finally can say that my blanket is mine as I got it from someone, and celebrate my own birthday, not on a date of my ex boyfriends Marcin or Arek, as man is what I was made of, per Bible, and I was also bought like a camel, or a dog, otherwise, ‘it is suspicious, and if I don’t screw someone, and show that I am serious, preferably in public, then I cannot be considered for a spouse and own anything.

Let me use James’s blanket that he bought for me, as I can’t even say I bought it and it is mine, as a twat of some sort, goes around calling me: Justynka cipitrinka, as if I was 5 or 6, and still asexual as sex was an ‘accident’ or discovery.

It is bought by James, and my mother with my money. Therefore, I can keep it and use it as ‘mine’ as I can see their honest intentions to provide for me. They don’t have to do it, and I do want to be a ‘separate individual’ who can choose and call ‘mine’ what is mine, and not being lied that there are no rooms on my birthday, as I am to celebrate birthday of Marcin and Arek. For one person, like me, I need to leave as it is ‘too much’ per some deranged receptionist and her equally insane dickhead of a co-worker. That was Madonna Inn. U went for Mammoth instead, and went to ski. There, I needed to join a group or sponsor some teenager as ‘at my age, as have to’. All of this is sarcasm to express my contempt towards the way rules are used and applied and the lack of self control and manners in USA, Mexico and Poland in some places, that is horrifying.

I was allowed to ski, and use my ticket but only one day, even though I paid for two, as I didn’t invite Olus and my brother. I had to go down or they won’t sell me a mask to ski to cover my face.

Igor nothing to offer to Olus and to anybody. Invite me once anywhere,specially when I am there once every two years, make me feel special, and maybe I will even call you buy you a diner outside the airport or a railway station, like my ‘loving family’ so that they can watch a game, as I am this boring.

Fuck you all, which is some cultures stands for ‘sincerely’


For whoever paints peculiar characteristics: alter tattoos a bit

I got a henna tattoo, right hand only. Since o posted it on this blog, I could not type, as if I had ‘paresthesia’: a tingling on that tattoo.

I am sure that it is the attention to that tattoo. It creates friction, of some has ‘laser like’ attention, or it is watched over and over.

That is why I recommended a pregnant female to get all of her 3D images and files, forbid to have a ‘copy’ o her inborn kid, buy a storage and folders, and a CD, and keep it all at home, or with a trusted person, who will not watch it, and share it, unless you ask for it, and it is always ok to have an access to your own’s child files, unless he becomes the only physician’s office client, and the mother can rest and they can talk confidentially.

It should not cost money to get these files and have them distroyed.

Roberto Abrego, has had long term lover with HIV, and I didn’t want to have a fake HIV report sent to my ex-husband’s work and email, and also my work place and my history yelled at by Alayna Townsend. She had on gym issues, fibroids, and I didn’t. I have never been ill or had sex work anyone even at ‘risk’ and I should not be kidnapped, and tested if I wanted to visit a friend, who resulted healthy. The deranged criminals who kidnapped me: I asked for his results and if he got tested as a DOCTOR, and he asked me to review his medication, including that which was expired, and hidden flasks of unknown brown substance that I found behind water boiler/heater, on his balcony.

It is getting out! I am healthy. I don’t need new glasses and those who are afraid of having their ‘confidential’ history revealed, as they trashed me for knowing it, and keep on doing it inventing mine, to diminish theirs, yelling at the top of their lungs false statements and pushing me to make false declaration about my health, my legal status, my criminal record’ and making sure that I get killed or I will be so little credible, that HIV an a gay relationship or Robi and the son of a director of a TEC hospital, or remains confidential and nobody takes me seriously, calling me ‘miss’ and treating like a 100 years old females, promiscuous and sick one.

I have plenty to share based on my practice as ‘Miss’. I was insured to do it. If I get a visa in Mexico, i will make you a file, like you have never seen or imagined, that will be true and you will get even tested for an alien DNA, for torturing me.

The same goes to Jian Tan and Sanders: Paula, what were you doing ‘taking care of my ex husband, or text you with reports about his health?

I will get you for what you have done to him and to my dog as well.

Again, so that is sticks – I am healthy, and I prefer to go see a movie or a show. I don’t want to, and I don’t have to go to the doctors, or rent a hotel room.

Assault and potentially rape, at Roberto Abrego’s apparent and also workers of CASA: as far as I am concerned, if you saw my video, it is only reason why would be warranted to ‘screen’ me for HIV after a roofie and an assault.

The three of you, hopefully, will face death row, or life in prison for me crawling on the floor to wash and having to retrain my hands to eat from am overdose of drugs and their side effects.

Releasing history is because Mexicans and their police have no interest, and I am cheering till that movie: “life without Mexicans’ becomes an immediate reality, and you will stop threatening me with mental health screens and spread rumors and results that belong to someone else. Investigate it. The would use a layer that I am not, who is not afraid of people following him and gets to accept cases to sue for preventing that man from ever getting probably even visa, instead of Roberto Abrego, as he is screwing someone important, and wealthy, who bought Dalai Lama a dinner at one’. Yeah! That important.

That is in case you want to test me or push me to drive somewhere. I don’t know who ‘Arnaud’ is.

Some info is real and some is a story. Same as names, all over this blog.

You won’t get my confession, kill one another, I don’t care.

Make these princes of wealth and whatever start talking some responsibility, the same as their Horsy princesses.


Let me send you proper ‘wishes’ again, as I walked to planetary, to see a display of lasers

I hope that you all steal all of that money, that I saved, alongside my ex, by forcing me to buy crap from you, merchants, that includes doctors, and pseudo doctors, their their ‘helpful’ advices.

I do want a status quo now.

Ask whoever went there to integrate all these shows, including this one, about use of Lasers, as I sit here, because you deviate me on purpose form whatever it is that I plan.

This wish is for all of you, apart from myself. I think that since the person with the mask is gone, and he ‘forgot’ that he was to sell me his product, or was made to forget, and the car became mine only, by force, but with a front seat decorated for Jian Tan, with his snakes, as (it is sarcasm) Lao Tzu said: ” a female is inferior or a male” and my nephew, you can make it a doctor, as he has a pennis and also is younger, and knows about money. Have him figuring out all that I missed as this show was not ‘meant’ for me, at least not the things I I enjoy the most: medicine and since combined with spirituality. May it become your task only.

I therefore, once again, delegate this honor to my newphew: he is closer to Jesus, Jesus es a man – and he is, based on the Hippocratic Oath a felcher (znachor) worthy to be trained in the trade by my brother, and Che and whatever he desires to become to run this blog, I mean: its continuation, including my invitations, and not even ‘dignifying me’ with his Oh so important, answer, as the stuck up prick went to SGH, and he is almost a Donald Trump’ son as per his Facebook that goes for hours about his knowledge about USA and its culture, that he has never visited, and hopefully, he won’t have to be adopted by Trump, because this ‘friendly to Polish spilt brat’ dick holder.

I won’t post for a week, maybe two. Maybe I will, and I will close it for all, and end talking to the moderators only.

Meanwhile, enlighten us all with your knowledge form that conference, as I won’t make it. I need to STAT see either a family doctor or an ophthalmologist. I can’t leave, as it is time for ‘general checkup’ and also, I will have an incredible gift by Dr. John Volpli oh knowing when I swollow my saliva each time I do, as based on is ‘differentials’ of the ‘ leave me alone and stop calling Ricardo as he was my boss and I am a doctor, and it will spread that I have lost it and fell for a pool boy, even though I didn’t, and I didn’t like him as a person. I had to pay attention to him as I was called ‘a vain bitch’ who dared to ignore a poor, gorgeous Jimmy and is hair. How could I do it? I am only a bitch, meaning: a female, on top of things: only a legal alien, with clothes from last year and and also shabby diploma.

I keep on repeating: you won’t see a penny from me, and let go off your ‘mothering’ all of you.

May Whoever write this stuff. Good luck.

Wait, I delegate the God of the Universe from Dr. Pacheco, to Dr. Vopli and his 8 residents who lacked. Huntington’ s disease as a second diff. dx for a marital dispute, long overdo, with or without Jimmy and anybody else: I owe these differentials an honor of learning in depth my autonomous nervous system, aligning with my cognitive pacing, day and night! It is all because I am not a doctor, but a sick one, and a honey, a bunny and also an extraterrestrial as it says: ‘legal alien on my useless to get a job green card.

May doctor Tran join them as a third God or Tao. And you need to assist my mommy as she needs a help, and she reverses roles. I don’t want to be talked on streets by strange males as she is again not sure if ‘my health is not frail, and if I got glasses, and I can’t anything per my brother, ex husband’ At least I have ask for an advice of some sort a dick holder, like Patryk and Mrs. Kwiatkowska, as ‘freest children would eat my sandwiches’ and I was born Frail, and it it not for some authority, as well to report to (I am consinddribg giving up my medical insurance because I want to be free from medical practices, and their volchers, And my mommy, and her ‘lineage’ and whoever, unless we both choose so.

Yes. It not going to happen anytime soon, as you are all perfectly capable of being the most wanted as I die of my fake Huntington, as I made it as number two, and so someone is fixing a disability that will never happen to me, as I am healthy.

That is it.

Enjoy being God! May the joy return to you, duo Pacheco (the Buddha), Tran (the Tao) and Vollpi (God of the moon) and all that supervised and orchestrated by my genius nephew, whose attention I needed to politely request. I don’t like your brats, Koniu. May you become a healer in pagan culture, Dionysus.

I don’t care about you. Let go of that hype of ‘auntie abroad’ it is over.

Milk Arnitko, as he has always been more trustworthy and also a man, one of iron. May be get an bicycle chain for Roberts-Lewis, and she domt have to thank me, that now he can (per Astrid, another obnoxious Deva) finally ‘afford an American’

I am glad that Tazio was able o afford her. Congratulations.

I am out of sarcasm. Leaving this place now.

If I post, it will be on an unknown website. You won’t find IT.

The car is MINE, as your stupid face will be possibly burned and moved without that stupid mask, a someone decided that we were ‘ for one another!”


I don’t want a coffee 10 years later.

Or anything form any of you, date candidates of mine that have priority. And I beg you, don’t give me any advices, cellphones or anything.

Back off


I will discuss models of alcohol addiction in different countries. Modern ones

I will simplify it to be as easy to understand, and free of jargon as possible. I would include references but you may have to do it yourself, and go to ‘pubmed’ and find newest protocols. I am doing it to elaborate my own, and everybody and everything is invited to comment, participate, and add or subtract to this ‘work in progress’.

The most important thing is that we need to treat as as a guide, not a rigid format, but basic rules need to apply to everybody, including oneself. One cannot, if a child doesn’t grimace, let him taste till it gets sick, as one will go to jail. It is because we slowly need to work up to trust and faith, and law helps with it. I invite everybody, across the Universe, to participate and share. It is good to ‘show off’ and good statistics, happy ones, they also set up a good pattern, and the fortune because good, not one that is causing suffering. Here, on US soil, lots of ‘successes’ – less crime and less illness and disability, actual ones, observable on streets: plenty of happiness, and long life, and also freedom from any, even discomfort, that shortens longevity is the goal. Many ‘successes’ change the norm. Then, makes a new legal norms, and its different use by trained professionals. It becomes a law. That is why you matter, and your kid, even though he makes no money yet, he or she is not emancipated.

In brief, as I am going to the festival, the brief rules for Castillo, and other Mexicans, as well as Bismarck and other American jails, detoxing programs:

– detox after someone drank in a pub is illegal, and it should not be done.

There is no use for patches to induce naturally occurring vomiting. It is bad and it kills. It is against current medical guidelines internationally. We consider it a torture and a last resort remedy.

– alcohol is allowed when a person comes and says that they are worried that they lost count on how much they drank, and they don’t want to lose memory or consciousness and drive, without wanting, especially badly, if one feels dizzy, or get so emotional and go around punishing others for looking badly at one, ‘playing doctors’ and demeaning real ones.

If a person comes and says they want some control, but alcohol is an important part of their social life, work, like in Russia or Poland, who (at least Poland, are supposed to use these new models, and stop snapping at people as they want to play God the Jewish style, and it comes to ‘you are a filthy drank’ and that is your assigned, thanks to a good doctor, ‘nature’. It is so unimpressive, and personal, that a person like that should give up practicing medicine out of profound shame for some time, and start drinking on their own, to learn the consequences of their actions. Not out of despair o losing a license, people need to be educated and given guidance how to do it. Taking away licenses is creating another criminal, and dismissing all the good things, and achievements of that person, especially Dr. Castillo, who is a doctor that helped some of my friends quite a bit, and they were suffering a lot medicated with medication for another medication. He lost it, as some say, and he is outdated.

I am against institutions, inclining jails, unless they are so helpful and attractive at becoming a maximum one can be, long term, without supervision, that a police will almost be reluctant to take someone into custody, as they will feel proud and happy, and they will consider it, truly, a chance for a person to, for example, emancipate and stop being targeted by aliens or humans or machines, intentionally or not, and a new one is an additional work, if they don’t want to go there, joyfully, as it is and not both work and hobby at the same time, as the place is so well thought out and adjusted with with rest of the Universe, and not cut off it.

Let’s continue with the New guidelines to assist to drink more or less (bar vs a therapist) and to reduce the need for more, everywhere. There is plenty to eat doctors and nurses, and a lot of space for all. Suffering is not ok to be caused intentionally, or ignored, anywhere.

Crime-punishment model is faulty.

– new guidelines (allopathic medicine) say that one has to elaborate an allowed schedule by oneself, or allowed one’s personal amount of alcohol, based on instincts and body tolerance with a therapist. The goal is to assist the person to learn about one’s own maximum, minimum, and when it is caused worry to one. If one is forced there, take into custody the family members as well, if the person denies that they have any problem, and charge them for abuse to prevent public crucifixion of a person, job loss, and drinking to show that one can, it is a display of freedom and maturity to get out of an excessive control, and having one’s own judgment substituted by an average, or by others, and it is WRONG.

For doctors and police:

I can’t drink is also wrong. I don’t want to drink, and crying or hiding alcohol at home or in cars, or indicates fear of dying or being hurt and ‘I am worried’ ‘we are concerned’ becomes a life threat buzz word, an actual life threat (look at my dead meat of a father, that was ‘cured’ from that ‘depression and alcohol abuse’ permanently).

If someone approaches me for advice again behind my brother’s back, and hurts him by labeling him anything, I will, if i o have to find you and make you eat your own venom, times ten, hatful, needy bitches and ‘coworkers’.

He will die out of old age ok charge of this medical particle: accept now, and leave him drink or not drink as he pleases. He is Healthy.

You killed my father, now you decided to kill me and my father, and ‘dig’ as long as necessary to get whatever you want, get full control, and then get rid of us, using misguided person with: “o, I am so poor, I love him and he drinks and watches football”

If you don’t like football, get out. If you don’t like alcohol around kids, get out. And if he is drank in the field, if he wants to, drive him to his mother, or his place, if it is such shame, as he is a doctor, and your boyfriend, and so ‘what will a peasant who just had a beer think about you? Oh no, they would would share the meadow and a beer, and a doctor would be en equally worthy to sleep at your meadow. The same for police.

And the same for mothers, in or lot of custody of a child. Permanent loss of it, it is hard to justify. Let’s stop demonizing one another, and demonize the demons, they try to be helpful and work hard to make all that radiation of surveillance being helpful to align with their own, separately, and everybody else’s, true nature, and it is a hard task, that should be reportable, when one is being hurt, and one needs to stop. And then, one needs to be explained what hurts and why, so that we can all do whatever we want, and use all the technology and Facebook even, and WiFi, without killing or hurting.

-newest guidelines for ‘alcoholic’ recommend to discontinue it only if not wanted, without forcing or aiming at permanent discontinuity as alcohol is a blessing and a wonderful social habit.

Animals vomit when they have too much. They don’t more. Most doesn’t even want to try, as it it not food, it is a special treat, like a mediation or desert, and also a bit like water, as the calories it gives, that number is alike fat, but it doesn’t feed or nourish the body.

It promotes appetite for fat, as fat ‘stores it’ on us, and losing that fat is manifested as bad smell, and sweating, just like medication or fat soluble vitamins, that didn’t get absorbed. Most, almost all of it, is excreted quickly, and the rest, it takes ‘losing weight’ which occurs naturally.

-detox, or taking a person into custody for drinking and driving and detox, for 24-76 hours, it makes this person feel like drinking after they had alcohol, or not, it is like an appetite, or not, just after that 24-76 hours – most alcohol, even the one stored, it is evacuated and so one prepared a person to go to a bar, well fed, and drink some more, and become angry if they are not served, or scared, and blaming family members or police and trying to hurt them at times, to make that mind space to decide on one’s own (most of the time any assistance is unnecessary) and when it is, one is asked for assistance by oneself, and the goal is to eliminate the ‘worry’ ‘fear’ ‘anger’ and any sort of perceived limitations, due to, usually, drinking to prove that one is free, or because one lacks self-esteem and self-love and faith in one’s own judgments, and when it is that asking for advice or assistance, it is wanted by one. This way, every trait, every profession feels WANTED, appreciated, capable, and even the people who were ‘worried’ and did the ‘dirty job’ for the family, that they feel guiltless, the same as the family that confined in them, and misunderstood advice as one’s tone was not adjusted, and the content was there, but the tone was hateful, because one doesn’t want to loose a loved one, and wants them to live for ever, and the common consensus is that ‘alcohol kills’ and it is untrue. It is lack of trust in a person, in oneself and one’s relationship, and letting go off these social misconceptions, and accepting diversity, accept importance of a person, including one’s own importance, and practice obtaining space to say and do things, that are for ever valid, and learned more, when unclear, or based on a reason, when a strong enough will is not there, or the other way around: one wants to drink, but one won’t as one is scared of being labeled, based on saying to a therapist once: ” I drink too much, I think. I am stressed, and I am also afraid of my husband and so I want to hide that I even had a beer with friends, as he will call the therapist, and I will end up scolded and shamed ‘in the name of Jesus’ and I will even ‘buy into it’ and so will the others, that this beer made me a sinner.

I do told you that I am a past student of Che Guevara, and so those of the followers of Che, they can safely try to enjoy and celebrate my birthday, and their own birthday as equally important, and let Che go and achieve Nirvana, as we are all capable and it it one’s one own individual skills and talents that one uses, not Che’s, and that is worthy bring celebrated, as Che is tired or the responsibility and having dependent, needy students.

If you don’t believe me, whoever celebrates Guevara’s birthday instead of his or her own, use a medium to talk to him, and confirm. You are welcomed to quote me. He is with dark forces, that move even trees, and we all saw it with a group, when I just said his name, Che, once, he came to us. It was a powerful experience, and it seemed that he was very religious. I cannot know it, I don’t read his biography on purpose.

Next, the same goes for all the Buddhas. It is ok to celebrate my birthday first, and I am a Buddha, too (not the person or reincarnation, I got HIS nature) but only if it is one and the same as mine and Che’s.

Then, you can celebrate your own birthday, and dismiss mine, if you want, I was hurt by it, I can’t be bothered anymore. I am celebrating mine on my own: I am worthy without having anybody’s Nature, unless it is the same as mine, as worthy as famous and infamous. It is difficult to do at the beginning to celebrate one’s own birthday: find my post about spa and loneliness vs. solitude. Loneliness is because someone wants to spend time on you, and money, but with (for example) sheer willpower, they won’t do it, for whatever reason, or they are afraid to be rejected or stressed onto insanity. It happens, even if it is joyful as an encounter, partly, due to keeping these encounters confidential.

I am also Jesus and his reincarnation, an online website told me that, when I placed my date of birth, and hour, and names, all of them. It was in Mexico. It said: ” I am the closest reincarnation to Jesus, the actual person” whatever that means, as I am female, unless Jesus was Marie Magdalene, and he was used to take all the blame, like Madam Blawatsky from Russia.

Deny it, prove it, but don’t ask for my blood based on that, please, and don’t crucify me again for ‘blasphemy’. Go after the medium or the author of the website to obtain the clarity, or monks that makes poor Dalai Lama, a reincarnation. He doesn’t look like the Prince from India, and maybe he wants to decide if he wants to get married and rent a place in New York, on Manhattan, going into finance.

Female Jesus, based on that reading on found through google website says: sin is an illusion, and we need to stop depending on my, or Jesus’s opinion, and use our judgment, and stop whining day and night for advices, unless we truly run out of ideas of our own, and consider ourselves all as important and capable as Jesus, and treat Christ nature as the realization that one is, and so are the others, and that is without having a luck to have a family member, who gets us Metaxa, and it is well intentioned and it is classy to do it, but one should not be forced to do it, and expect to do it always.

That is all. God may be retired soon. Let me see the Gods that hopefully are still here, and put so much effort to prepare that gorgeous celebration: we are all aliens, and we are all from Urantia. I need to get my holy grail, also, and maybe tej mask that a nice men are still establishing price and value of, as we agreed to meet in the PM to discuss.

I want a Cat Godess, it is 40 dollars and she is from Mars. NASA pictures are there, so NASA doesn’t dismiss the aliens and live, it is the reporters. I am sorry if I offended the NASA, not putting quotes of where I read it, or the radio broadcast to make those who tell stories present all points of view, and let us choose which one is the most credible and probable.

On my way. I want to see aliens as represented by drawings, if not, we need to change the drawings, not the believe in aliens and their visits, especially of one reporting what they saw, they put a lot of effort and care, risking their own life and happiness, and freedom going what is the ‘mainstream’.

I am going. Less shopping more visitors, that is my goal, unless here is a bed for sale. The coupe who designed and made theirs (it is tough, I got my back hurt and it wasn’t the clerk or salesmen there, as they were very helpful) Trying or make my own, one needs to endure pain, and suffering, that is not well explained.

It is like asking out a Chinese man, or asking out an American, at least some, while others, one is literally pushed at, and it is equally annoying, and most of the time by those, who want us to hook up.

Dr. Justyna A. Chevallier.

This is my childhood hero. I am biased but the best doctor ever.

He saved me from anaphylactic shock and also assigned my father when he forced alcohol into himself, as if his limbs were chopped off, and closed himself in a room. Pan Plucinski was always recognized and welcomed, and he kept confidentiality, and gave my father sugar, as his body thought that he was eating and he wasn’t.

He could have done better, since my father was this devastated and wanted to sleep only, and would not talk to anybody, but Doctor Leszek, and he was not afraid he would take away his medication, call police, but let him drink. I couldn’t enter, my mother couldn’t enter, my brother and his wife couldn’t enter either, and it was because he was perceiving our contempt and hatred.

Doctor Plucinski, he was allowed to enter. He could have get out of his doctor role, and give him ice cream or cook a hamburger, when he wakes up, but my mom said that he was so drank, and closed there, that she was afraid that he was dead, so he gave him an IV, and glucose, and he accepted. Then, he left.

He realized that he was not hated and nobody was forcing to stop him from drinking, and not drinking, and he regained faith in being safe, loved and accepted and emerged from his room, and went back to work, as Plucinski loved him and accepted him, did his job giving him sugar, and left. ‘Loved’ like God loves all, and not ‘hot’ or ‘cold’ like my mother, in that context.


I was permitted to change my mind

I left my hotel one day early! Wow!

You think that I am joking? No. It is sarcasm, as it it should be easy to change one’s mind, especially when one one WANTS and ENJOYS solitude, and can afford. I enjoy it as much as I enjoy a good company, but it usually results to be more difficult. Surprisingly, there is enough space for all of us, Universe is huge, yet, it feels at times I am forced to not use the jacuzzi, I have to fight for it, even though it is empty, for example. Why? Because it feels ‘too luxurious’ or not luxurious enough, because some female, who I don’t know, and I am not joking, thought – you MUST invite at least you mother. I enjoy her company. I don’t enjoy being forced out of jacuzzi because someone thinks that I MUST. She won’t enjoy it, either, and it makes her refuse. My brother skipped my birthday because my mom decided that he HAD to be there, and it feels, literally, that one is pushed to do what ‘seems to someone’ morally correct. At times, even with pain.

I managed to use the jacuzzi, not blame the new mom and her kid for ‘having to post’ something, or else, I don’t deserve it, and I should immediately get hired as a cleaning stuff or a front desk. I realized that it was a success that also that a list of hotel guests makes more difficult to drive alone, as we age grouped.

I forced go have a coffee now, not festival. It is once a year, but if I feel pushed and it is unpleasant, or ‘directed’ as if I didn’t exist and my mother has to tell me, or others, what to do, or where to go, based on what someone said.

I looked at the receptionist, as he printed, just after I checked out, another card for my room, and I realized that because I, I MYSELF, planned to stay another day, to the end of the festival (and no, it was not the shoes: the gorgeous heels I got yesterday) it is because I was pushed to stay and not use jacuzzi or even wash my teeth to force me to stay. It made me angry. I have not shaved my legs and the receptionist got so pushed to keep me one more night, that even though he is a fully conscious, completely uninterested in me, romantically, polite, professional that is mentally healthy, he got to print, on an auto pilot, another room key and tried to give it to me. This is why I don’t blame people for this redaction of free will, it is even funny at times, however, I blame excessive lack of confidentiality.

Confidentiality, or privacy, and treating everyone equally politely, and as equally important, but striving all the time to use one’s one judgment, to adjust and modify rules and courtesy, it is essential.

I had wine and therefore, I cannot ever say, buying coffee: “madam” to the young lady, so that she feels equally important as someone who is 50 or 60. Someone decided that I was against mothers, based on my post, or that I hate my mother. I love my mother. It was alike what is called: “Tourette’s” I had to say, instead of “madam”, “mama” and I was pushed to explain my theory not not doing it, as a better option. I am grateful, but it created a short lived speech impediment. There are many recordings, I only saw one, of bad happening. We need to be able to introduce and allow change gradually, and even the best of intentions, including mine, they may turn into what me, a few years ago, I would take for a permanent condition that requires scans, supervision and also medication as needed to stop it.

I am not against medication of it crates discomfort, that can be fixed with that medication. I do not think that it works, and I don’t think that it is the way to go, unless the pain in such and discomfort such, that it is incompatible with life, and only if it works and is wanted. Apologizing for calling a young female “mama” it is not ok, as I didn’t call her that. Someone else forced a word through my mind to say it, with a stronger “frequency” than my force to say, voluntarily “madam”.

It is not a brain damage. Doing it over and over, to communicate what one wants to another, for example a dead daughter talking through the mouth of a doctor to a father, or someone else, and since he is an neurology attending, he self-diagnoses and takes medication, blaming it on his nervous system a priori. It doesn’t work that way, but it can. One can have an ulcer made as a mother decided that she is worried that one is going to ‘end up like her father” drinking too much, or too often.

I couldn’t drink my bottle of wine called Folie a Deux. I drank some, made pictures, that were, probably met with disapproval. What is is disapproval? It is someone usually at this moment not allowed to have drinks, and they could share the bottle. It is not always the case, but often, offering a bottle to a police officer, it helps with not having to share it of at the restaurant, it is forbidden. Same with a mother, so my brother HAS to buy her alcohol for birthdays, even to invite people over or take his girlfriend out for dinner, not even mention: drink it alone, and enjoy it, and enjoy it on he morning as our body ‘knows’ even in children and animals, what, how much and what not at all at this time, one can drink without surveillance of parents, but without their encouragement to try it, other.

To make it clear: I am not against mothers having kids in nightclubs, restaurants and having drinks themselves and even a smoke, as far as the infant doesn’t dislike it and it shows. It is a smog. It won’t like it, and it is to intervene, by a manager or a waiter (without watching) when they are bothered, for a bit of time, with a baby crying. Like the police in Houston, let’s keep these kids with their mom and papa, because it is not ok to watch them and forbid them to play, just because a father or a mother want to involve their child, alike animals everywhere, and let them learn. “Supervised” doesn’t mean attention. Attention to me, wanting to stay at a hotel one more night, when there are no rooms almost, fro the last two days, it makes me feel important. It makes me want to go back, and as far the ‘mind space’ for me to use my judgment and free will is expanded, and it is expanded for people who work there to not make them confused, waste ink to print a card, or appear like one ‘doesn’t have it together’ because one wants to give the customer that room, hold it for them. That is a good customer service, that is all. However, putting that pressure of making a list of customers, and registering, like Facebook and some labs, thoughts, emotions, intentions, and trying to help, it may meet with a thought of another person, and that person will be a female who does the cleaning, who will say: “it is because the hotel wants to rip her off” or “she doesn’t deserve this jacuzzi, I do” . And so, out of increasing my time spent at the festival, and enjoying that wonderful, well priced for what they have to offer, hotel, I HAVE to type at least one protocol on alcohol addiction as what we have, even this word, and using it, it kills and what is ‘anger because of withdrawal’ or ‘not having enough’ it is an anger as my 50 dollars bottle, it has a cork inside, and suddenly, I am clumsy to handle it on my car, and compelled to throw it away, as it is ‘evil to drink’ ‘Addiction’ ‘Abuse’ statistics: “4 times more propensity in research to become addicted, if one’s parent is” it becomes an evil oracle, that is FORCED on person. It starts to work the other way around: since you suspect me so much, and already punished me for it, and I am pushed to go to places that sell alcohol as they are businesses that use their own, competing with public health and accusations, we have to drink, even if we don’t want to, and we vomit as we just drank some yesterday. Not always, but often it is that because I am statistically (family history reported in therapy as my ‘personal concern’) more likely to buy alcohol, I look for a place to buy water or or eat, and I end up next to a liquor store, even on a desert, so drank from a lake like a dog, and then firemen (and listen to this: people, and animals we don’t have to make an effort or be helped. We pick up, with natural instincts, who needs water, and we drive there) We can mess it up, and give water to a person next door. We can leave cherries, and someone, who is hungry or feels not appreciated for his or her job, they won’t take it or find it, as the note was blown by a person who cleans the pavement out of grass, and got envious. He doesn’t get even a ‘thank you’ either, he is considered ‘inferior’ to a police of a physician, and ignored, when he goes for a vacation, as if his money was less important, as he also has less of that ‘mind space’ than even the two doctors or the police, who wrote a card and left the food to say: “thank you” under a pseudonym and with a website, so that they know who, if they don’t trust that cherries are not poison, or an act of terrorism.

They were not. It is a pity that I ate them all by myself. I like cherry trees, and cherries. Then, I collected trash with the grass blower, as he was angry, and was blowing it all over my car, and larger items, they have to be collected, otherwise, the street is dirty as the trash stays on the side, and comes back in the morning.

It takes away that pressure a little to know that a dog won’t be a victim if we let it decide what it wants, and leaving wine on the floor is normal. He may drink, but he won’t die. Kids that do, and animals that do, it is because we push that statistics as if it was a must, and we confuse ourselves and others, and that is why it is important to restore eco system. I got Gatorade and water from Firmen. They ‘knew’ that someone needed water. They delegated to the police and, I gave some to animals, and offered some to the police and drank some.

I didn’t ask for it, I don’t need to go back to replace it. It doesn’t take away from my ‘importance’ or doesn’t make me a ‘charity case’ or a beggar. It doesn’t make anybody interested romantically in anybody. A I give water to a bird, or a fly, or sugar, to reduce my stress level during the summer, as need is perceivable. It doesn’t make them interested in me romantically, or vice versa. We don’t need secret vows based on Hammurabi, me nether.

What did I do with a bottle? I stick a cork made of plastic and cotton in it, and I placed it upwards, in the back. If it drips in my trunk, it is my problem, I don’t need to be advised ‘just in case’ on how to manage it. Moreover, I want to give back water, my skills or food to the firemen, if I am close enough, I want to do it myself. I don’t have to make them a gift of water on the winter, as they can get that form rain, and they don’t need to have it as a ‘sign of gratefulness’, ‘show of prosperity’ or ‘independence’ or friendliness of Poland, and my parents. If it is an ideal system, I will be there when it is time to give back drinkable water and Gatorade, in exact amount, to the exact people that made it, and delivered it, paid for it, and came up with the idea to get it. Ideally, it is when they ask: ‘we want water and Gatorade’ and it arrives from me right away, and it is not more, and not less. That is karma, or well adjusted eco system. If I am too far, or I don’t have enough, ideally, I become a messenger, who gets them that water bought and delivered by whoever can afford it, proportionally. A bird can ask for water for a police or a firemen, the same as a mosquito. There are plenty all over and they send one another secret messages without cellphones all the time. Use a satellite to ‘help us’ or condenses stream of sound, and you will hurt and burn them, torturing them.

By the way, my wine is safe and stored perfectly and hidden from the police in the trunk so that they are not concerned with it, and they don’t have to stop me, because my mother is worried and a mosquito farted in Guatemala. /)

Just because I would drop a bottle, it doesn’t mean that I had enough, too much or that I ‘shouldn’ or ‘can’t’ for any reason. Surveillance makes us confused, and makes kids eat poison, and fall from swings. It is tough to change that mentality, but it is really healthy, for the police and for anybody who is supposed to surveil, including parents, nurses, doctors.

We need to have faith in one another, and in oneself, and our bodies and make ourselves, independently, as free and able to take judgments, as possible, assuming that, and I Sware to God, and everything that is dear to me, including my own life: we are not programmed to hurt one another, or to hurt oneself, even predators, they don’t go after a deer if they are not starved, dying. Otherwise deers are safe. And they do have fair chances. A deer eats greens, and I may or may not cause pain similar to a sentient being, I don’t know that. It feels something. It doesn’t mean, that one can’t build a home out of wood, and one cannot eat, or drink water. I got to a point, meditating, that I thought that I had to give life support to a cockroach, and that I have to charge like Tesla car, with electricity, otherwise I am either destroying environment, and deers won’t have enough, or grass suffers, or I cause suffering to sentient beings that have nervous system. I felt like I had to save them all, and lie down and wait till they eat me or absorb me into the Universe, as morally, I cannot hurt anybody and anything, and I can’t stop working till I die.

It won’t happen. One gets to choose between life and death, rationally, at that point, as this service without food or water, or is he happiest one can imagine being. Now, force it on someone (it was force it to recreate it, upset that I had a steak or wine, and it become a mindless torture, and I and everybody I met: we become stubborn to fight for freedom and space to be independent and able to choose.) moreover, it is read, because of previous experience that occurred narrowly, and was a conscious surrender to serving others, as even food doesn’t match that pleasure, as rude and offensive, and hurtful.

It is wrong to feel that way, as there is a person, or an animal, sometimes more that one, that is forced to have the same experience and level of achievement as one, and one feels like it is one, but it usually a third person, torturing you and someone else at the same time, to become equals, and match the achievement described in the drawing series: “the ox is gone, and shirtless, he is selflessly, joyously serving others”. It is then double as difficult to be able to stop being tortured enough to find who is being hurt alongside, as someone observed the happiness, and wants us to teach, and decided to punish us and hurt, forcing the emotional states, and also behaviors, on others causing pain.

One needs to make sure that nobody has to do anything, including drinking or not drinking. The way to do it is leave a person or an animal alone, without our prior judgments, as they have a different pace and capacity. Saying: “drink this wine if you want to, you bastard, even if your drop dead” is not allowing someone to decide if they want to drink it or not. It is forcing someone to not drink, by saying that one is not bothered by it, and so the person, even vomiting, will drink it just to show that that male, female or a police, they don’t have a power over one to force one, one way or another. Or whoever, doctors are also demons in disguises.

How to get mind space and more freedom:

1. Place an alcohol normally where it normally belongs. Just like I did. Don’t make any assumptions, apart from: my child’s stomach will reject that alcohol, even the smell will turn him or her off (no experiments, don’t test them as they will try to ‘pass’ or ‘fail’ to please you or to upset you or show their independence, and cleverness)

Go out, as usual, have tour glass at home.l with a kid, if this is what you are accustomed to. Change the response, both of you, and teach others to have faith in your child, and his tastes and instincts, from the moment they are born, the same as yourself. Equally. A kid will try to mimic you, or he or she may try to mimic you, or if if perceived contempt or worry as you are a mother ‘giving bad example’ but really, good example of freedom as you always know how to drink and how much, and so does the kid.

Talk to the manager o learn the policy of the place. If they are tolerant and trust you, oneself and a baby, that has an inborn disgust and it can’t terrorize adults as it feels humiliated by assumption that his or her body and mind and inferior. They are not. They are normally quite independent, as well as the female, who is not only a mother, she is everything that a single female is, and a mother. We don’t have to limit her, and make her feel worse or even much different because of that role. She is a partner, too.

Have wine or coffee. Explain the policy of assisting only when one is disturbed: call for attention, over and over, for example, person vomiting. I have yet to drink till I vomit outside of a household, meaning, it has never happened.

Put the infant where it wants to sit, or be, don’t ignore on purpose either. It will work out spontaneously.

If he or she grabbed the beer pint, they smell it, out a clean hand in it to taste it, let them. Don’t get panicked. Don’t yell or punish ‘help! Children are hurt!’ Either if you work there. When it happens, the child ‘knows’ that he or she has ‘bad parents’ as someone decided to know better than the kid or the parents. Kid becomes a drama queen or king, that will abuse that mother in front of the father, to get attention of the father, and abuse the father in front of the mother, to show gain love of the father. It is because there is a judge, an observer, who labels mother’s parenting as ‘bad’ or father’s parenting as bad, just because they want to have a child that preserves an ability to make their own decisions, based on what THEY feel and think, using EVERYTHING that that she or he has been equipped with, and THEN, cry for help, or ask for advice (even without words) or for example. We are not ‘examples’ for parents, and parents are not ‘role models’ unless advice is asked for, because all other ‘tools’ inherent to one human being, alone, they are exhausted.

If a kid cries, it is good to assume first that a parent in a bar, she got it, and she doesn’t need to call for assistance. He the kid chooses Becky, and comes and says, even with eyes: ‘Becky, how much is too much before i feel nausea, and shouldn’t I try to drink it, even if my face grimaces, and I want to vomit?” And so Becky, the bartender, she should then be thankful that FINALLY PEOPE’s particular level of experience and knowledge is being acknowledged, and she can use it and it is WANTED. The mother may or may not delegate, legally, she has a custody and the right to force that alcohol to the infant. It IS WHEN Becky should tell the mother so stop, without threats, as ‘no’ is a ‘no’, not a yes in disguise at any age. If she is ignored, she should convince the kid to ignore they forceful training ahead of time, and say that they will go to jail if they feed that kid alcohol. It is not just a mother or Becky: ‘allow it’. If it a policy of non-doing, right way, reducing watching, surveillance style and anxiety, and seeing if a child has a disgust reflex. It is medically present in anybody who never drank alcohol, or didn’t have alcohol for a long time (work, precepts, decision that one just doesn’t enjoy the fuss around it.) that ‘fuss’, it is, for an adult, stalking and harassment to stop someone from doing what is legal and allowed. It should be prosecuted and punished with jail, as I want to be left alone and so does my brother, by all, including deranged medical professionals and clergy. AA KILLED my father, and a therapist, that my brother and my mother confined in, as it gave a ‘green light’ to watch my father day and night as if it was an explosive ready to burst out, and he outo-digested, almost, when I found him on this ‘hospital’, mute, on a wheel chair, and 30 kg less, as we wanted him to stop being to boastful, and drink and hurt the poor mother and children.

He has NEVER touched me even, let alone hurt me. He was hurting my mother because he was welcomed with silence, or a” good afternoon you drank pig” and this loathe and disgust, it is not associated with stopping to drink. One wants o hurt the person who is this hateful, and becomes ‘aggressive’ and drinking is a display of adulthood, and ability to take one’s own decisions. The joke that says: “why are you drinking?” R: “To forget that I am drinking” becomes reality as one wants to forget this contempt and disgust, and constant control by a female, and the children, based on social stigma and ‘good will to heal’ the alcohol ‘illness’

“He beached so much, he drove me nuts” and then, ignored, and then, started to threaten to kill me with ‘treatments’ and mutilated me. It was not in good faith. That is why 90 percent of Tudor labeled as ‘sick’ and/or ‘abusers’ they always come back, even ‘sicker’

What do do?

Lassie-fair. Allow, and teach faith and trust in a person and their body. Allow and teach yourself a trust and good judgment in yourself. If you treat alcohol addition, and now you demonize it: I would fire you flying like a a kite, and without wanting, hypocrites.

If you have never trusted in yourself, never experimented with alcohol, and you follow and ‘ test on others’ what you are being told, it is WRONG and you may have a triple diploma in teaching how to drink, and how to not drink, and to assist, when wanted. Drink if you want me to call you an ‘expert’ and don’t screw it up: ASK when you need assistance, don’t ask it for others. Please. Tell them to do it.

There is more’

How to deal with the double reality

1. Anything that is spiritually elevated, emotions and states that are good and overwhelming, and consistent in one person: oneself – these are real. It is not possible to fabricate, or induce them.

Assume that these are real.

If there are states ‘like it’ but it brings disgust, or anger, or it denies one wants to say ‘no’ and wants to cry, but one is forced to feel that way, for example desire a person that one feels a disgust with: a brother, a mother, an old person, don’t dismiss the good emotions that are consistent.

I would love to date some Americans, including James, and I had a great time with a couple that we had wine with yesterday. Very friendly, funny, normal people, smart and easy going. Others, on the other hand, I don’t want to hear about and it makes me want to vomit and dismiss all of that good experiences and memories, as someone comes and tries to reproduce that ‘human experience’ and produce it towards people that do not evoke these emotions, force it.

I am trying to show you that it is impossible to do with good emotions and elevated states of mind and body. It is impossible to dismiss it, and those who do it, out of envy, or because they want to make it available for everybody but based on someone’s story of an empirical experience, that is very difficult. I would say that it is impossible because we are unique, and that is why it is not possible to elevate a person’s emotions above romantic love, and ‘teach’ loving kindness. It is, however, possible to lower loving-kindness and romantic love to even hatred, also through desire, that is why it is not for everybody. It cannot be provoked, or produced, or made to repeat the same as it was, even for the same person, as the hurt accumulates. Dismissal of these experiences causes hurt, and there is a point of ‘no return’ – a relationship is impossible to revive. Imagine that you loved Stalin. You were intimate and then someone came, and convinced you, that all love was unreal, and that Stalin, he wants to rob you, and hurt you, and he is the one responsible for your broken leg.

You then take Stalin, and you torture him and interrogate him, and he is at the end not even sure if he did brake your leg, or he didn’t, as that is what brain wash and torture do to people: 0 reliability when it comes to confessions and therefore, punishments.

Then, he gets out, and you want him back. So live together, but Stalin doesn’t want you. He shakes when he sees you, and he can’t eat dinner with you, not even mention desire you when wear a nice dress.

That is irreparable. Even if you feed Stalin with memory altering drugs, and hypnotize him, and tell him that you did it because you didn’t want to lose him, he will keep on saying: “well, you should have trusted me, and that elevated state and remember it day and night, to keep your faith in me, and that I would never hurt you on purpose, or your children. It was someone else”

It is not that Stalin stopped loving you, after you got people to torture him and then got him back, broken as you thought that he was the one who ordered to have your legs broken, and someone told you that it was him. He loves you. He may even die loving you. He may, however, knowing what you did to ‘test’ him and his love for you, as you lost faith it him, never be able to stay in one room with you. Or it make take a long time. Body has memory. It remembers being hurt, and even if one doesn’t tell a worms who did it, if they have knocked you down on the floor, and you don’t remember as you drank a roofie in a cranberry juice, you will be shaking when he even comes close. It is being ‘fooled’ when remote torture and others are used to perform crimes, and that that is one needs or be carful as the worst criminal, he may not even understand that he is hurting an innocent person, told that ‘for sure’ by someone trusted, they broke your leg.

That is my lesson:

Don’t discard elevated emotional states, when that are unequivocal.

Assume that it is a gift, and hold on to it, don’t dismiss it, even if you got hurt, evidence is against it. Don’t dismiss it. Learn to use it as a state when you are in pain, or down or hopeless, during meditation. Don’t run away, but also don’t impose when it is impossible. Forgiveness, it has to happen. It is not a mental process that you can obtain even by asking for it. It is like rain, when it is dry and plants are dying. Don’t blame a person for ‘lack of forgiveness’ or not wanting to sit at the table close to you. Move aside, if asked, as it rude to force unwanted closeness. When it is forced, is becomes unwanted.

Desire: movements or gestures that in yourself, you don’t recognize as they are not congruent with how you feel: it is NOT a suppressed desire. It is a forced desire, a desire that is to become something that it not – like energy for work, or giving something, or obtaining something.

If it helps, take it as an unwanted phenomenon, and wait till it passes, calmly. Look what you can do with it. It is a hand movement, maybe you can fix something, and it is being adjusted. In experience, desire disappears when one gets into the right labor activity. There is no need to force it, or lie about not wanting a male or a female, either. If one wants a person, it becomes always delightful.

Delightful and that person will run to save you, like in that story about a princess, they will take a coffee chance as a chance of their life. My ex husband, when he proposed, he asked 4-5 times, on a train, on his knees, to marry me, as we loved one another so much, and I kept on saying that I was unsure if I was even worthy such love, and that is why he was asking again and again.

That not humiliating, that is love. And so it makes someone who you want to throw everything away for, suspicious, and also, really stupid, if you ask them if they want a coffee, and they don’t even bother to respond an email. It makes it quite sure that they are not interested, in comparison to what one had. It is the same with a man, that you come to ask to marry you, or if they at least have such wish, as I am against proposing to males, after two years, and he runs away, without saying a word, chasing another female, crying, that witnesses that proposal, and all that then is covered up to keep him appear a monastic with ‘Xiang and Justyna are lesbians’. The first one was James, the second one was Jian Tan.

It is deeply offensive and rude to keep a monk like that in the ‘office’. It is only the memory of that elevated states that are always true, and have nothing to do with desire, if they do, it is ALWAYS, face to face and always reciprocal (that was Jian Tan ) and so it makes James not interested in me, and makes Jian Tan not worthy to be a monk.

After these experiences, one needs to keep to what is the purest.

Jian Tan recommended remembering 3 refugees. It is the best advice I have ever heard.

It is that, or a memory of oneness of the universe, that shows that flow, Taoist flow of god being one with one and wiry nature.

These are real. One then treats males and females as precious experiences, that were unique, and for life, but one cannot choose to love or want someone who doesn’t feel that way about one IN PERSON.

There is always reciprocity. There is no romantic love without reciprocity and creating such an illusion, an illusion of ‘maybe one day’ or ‘at least once in this life time’ or ‘when bad karma runs out’ and doing enough to fuel hope, fuel mind relationship, and waiting without waiting, but not pursuing someone actively, it is WRONG.

There is no question about it.

If I join a monastery or even enter it again to stay or do a retreat to see if we are a match, don’t bother me anymore: any of you, list of males I would prefer, other males, females and family. Back off and keep then, even your remarks for yourselves. I am giving you all of my time, money and attention. This is it. Including the ex-spouse, who didn’t embrace the idea of living together alone either. I will not want to re-marry my ex spouse, but it was a great marriage. I can’t stand his games: I what you, when I don’t have anybody, and when you have someone to compete with, or when it is prestigious, or in fashion to have you.

It is not enough

I am going to the jacuzzi.


Silence will take place, as desired by those who teach and practice meditation and mindfulness

The urge to pick and criticize these rules alike a small child with an intention to show, at all cost, that one is smarter, it will slowly cease. These people, who are unable to calm their mind, they will achieve it without an effort, and no manipulation with be necessary, and no arduous practice. Once there is justice that works, hurt is discussed and emotions settle a bit, but rationality is not used to dismiss or talk down at a person, who is open and vulnerable: “finally, you apologize and recognize you were wrong” No.

The waitress yesterday has had enough experience, life experience to recognize that I was right, as eventually leave the wine on the table. I told her to take it, so that she doesn’t get punished or a manager doesn’t call the police (even though it is legal and recommended to have it on the table, and it is my responsibility to make sure that I don’t exceed the allowed by law alcohol limit when driving, and if I want to have two glasses or more, I can walk to my room instead or be picked up.) The wine was sealed then as if it was customs at the airport.

USA policy on alcohol is sick. It assumes that people are trouble from the moment they enter a public place, not a joy and a reason to celebrate. It assumes that people have no capacity to decide and choose, or ask when in doubt to be informed or to get help.

It makes American males and females, for many of us, undatable, and impossible to assimilate to another culture, where they are not treated like a child, and people pay attention to how things are said, done, and one is on one’s own. Independent, but with available assistance. It is not forced at one. It is impairing.

Are you saying that if I invite out James (or choose one alike James from that men menu online) and invite him to my country, and I put a full bottle on a table, he will grab it and drink it all himself?

If he is alone and pays for it, he can be drank and walk home. It is called ‘a party’. If I have to talk to his mom or that or Mexican Robi, or a brother of Carlos, as mommy is 89 and high on Prozac and is trying to do swap roles a little, as she does not want to ‘lose Carlitos, who is 50, as it is his little darling, sweet, pumpkin’ and he should not get deprived of his innocence by some evil Polish female, who wants to get him drank and ‘oh my goooood’ she also wants little Robi, Jimmy or Carlitos, to be able to buy a bottle of red or white without feeling like they will have to call their brother, and ask for permission, as they ex-wife or another pseudo-mommy, she doesn’t want him anymore, but wants to have a ‘say’ in Carlitos care, Jimmy’s drinking habits, and Chang here, too he is teary and scared again (exposure therapy) as I showed him a picture of a condom. Not for fun. Mommy sighed, on the phone, and Hun and Jimmy, they asked: “mom is has worked all her life to leave me her estate. If I use my penis, will she live in the shed?”

No, dears, no. Mine may, however, if she is again ‘concerned’ about my 51 years old brother, or 36 years old daughter, and calls on one or the other to the other.

Here is the rule: he won’t be shot at if he falls somewhere, otherwise, it is his business. Same here.

You see, old people, they don’t want us to have a job to keep on giving us money, or jobs that were are under qualified for, or that anyone can do with a minimal training because they don’t want us to stop loving them, and they don’t want to discard of them as ‘useless’ so they make sometimes artificial conditions, and fool us into believing that we need their money, assistance and care when it is untrue. I stoped accepting any gifts or money or even favors from my family, as it became obvious to me, that they truly believe that I won’t love them, or I will hurt them, if they are not necessary. They are not. In fact, I have not needed anything from them since the age of 17, as when my father died, I became financially independent.

It is hard to believe at times. It is true. We can have love without attachments, and being needed artificially. If we stop being needed, we will die. It is by creating a fake necessity, and constant nagging, and worrying, and controlling, spying and advising, that we are ‘needed’ and wanted, and loved. A phrase: ‘we are worried’ for my brother means that people will hurt him from childhood. For many old people, it means taking away their independence, ability to leave their spouse, or go shopping alone, choose clothes and be told what to do, what to eat, where to go, how or where to sleep.

It is none of anybody’s business and it should should be kept private, intimate to the day one dies, and shared when one wants to share. I don’t appreciate anybody’s interference in my life, as much as I don’t interfere in that of my brother’s or mother’s, or work or capable EMS team, where there is some. I don’t question your capacity to do your job, and it is convenient for me. I can go out and have Folie a Deux, and I do not have to worry about the team of inferior to me experts left at the scene, as I arrived first, and I should have stayed to the end, but I felt pushed out by their proclaimed superiority.

That is because an old person undermines a younger one: son, daughter, professionally and also as dating material, to make herself look more important, and again, justify her existence and avoid me or other doctors, come and take away her free will, and impose control, and then, Jimmy, Robi, Carlitos, Arnitko, they became dependent of mommy’s ‘breast’ unmarried till 50, treated like idiots even in restaurants, incapable of taking decisions, and incapable of initiative, as well as self control and restraint. It is assumed, from the get go, that we can’t do anything without someone interfering and telling us what to do. EMS are by the way ‘inferior’ in hierarchy, not that their skills in certain areas is not superior. What is superior is precisely my ability to evaluate order of things to be done, their importance, as well as how they should be addressed, and by whom. to have the fastest relief of suffering and a cure, with the minimal necessary intervention and minimal resources used (that of a patient and that of a victim), and all that, while obtaining a consent: a person’s wish is not to die or to suffer, or get a different help, or attend themselves. All of these are possible, and it as far as a police, EMS or a doctor, when asked for help, they need to assist, or delegate to those that they find capable, they also need to learn to refrain form doing anything, when refused. A begging son or a daughter, or a husband or wife scared of poverty or loneliness, that want us to violate the wish of the patient, who wants to die, or wants less analgesia, and question their mental status need to be put to jail, prosecuted. It is a crime to alter person’s wishes and question them, and one needs to be responsible for what one wishes for and take it seriously.

Assume 100 percent capacity at all times. Stop creating disables and criminals, one to ‘take care of’ as we prevent them from working, as a display of love or masculinity, or to justify our importance and make them stay, make them dependent, then, when they are, we complain that they are not independent, that they didn’t make enough money, and they should finally ‘pull their weight’. If we do, then is is a tragedy and intents to humble, as is we make that much, we don’t need them anymore, and it is a life threat. We will also have to be nice and respectful to get 75 dollars at a restaurant, and a tip! Going with: ‘she looks young, and painted her face and it it looks cheaper than 75, or as if we are doing them a favor, it won’t work)

Arrogant pricks – putting a label: ‘we reserve a right to refuse service to anybody’ is illegal. The times where a black person was not let in to a restaurant are over.

We will get you out, flying, of all the international human rights agreements, animal rights agreements, and also all those ‘cheap shit’ products will vanish like in Harry Potter, if you don’t learn some manners, respect and you do it NOW. It is never too late, at any age, to learn to tell the truth and also to behave less like a savage in public places worldwide, while targeting foreigners. Instead, stop drinking and smoking with a 3 year old infant on your lab, and deviating attention won’t work. I am single. I can do whatever I want. Mommies can go to mommy section, if they are bothered, at 9 pm, in a steak house, with ordering a bottle of wine to keep or to drink if I decide so.

I home that Dr. Castillo is already deprived of a license permanently for being a paid assassin, and all those, who use confidential patient info to hurt, discriminate and harass people.

It is a witch hunt for Americans worldwide for a reason. You started it.

I am doing wha to can to keep you safe and sound, wherever you go, and regardless of nationality.

Shoe some respect and gratefulness, as I am 1 percent of less that will, after all you did to me, even shake your hand soon. You will see how it feels.